when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
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