Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Randomize
