Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
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