I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
Randomize
