I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
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