just tell him i said nine months
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Randomize
