I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
Randomize
