I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
Randomize
