i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
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