Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
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