I skipped work to stalk him.
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
Randomize
