hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
Randomize
