I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
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