so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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