that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
Randomize
