The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
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