My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
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