I wish my penis had an off switch
I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
Randomize
