Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
