porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
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