I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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