You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
Randomize
