It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
Randomize
