I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
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