In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
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