Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
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