i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
