Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
Randomize
