I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
Randomize
