But honestly u used to be a cool guy and lately uve been superame(734): Superlame
when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
Randomize