im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
Randomize
