My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
