Is it normal to miss your booty call?
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
