Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
Randomize
