another moral hangover. fuck.
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
Randomize
