i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
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