I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
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