Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Randomize
