Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
