not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
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