first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Randomize
