I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
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