Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
Randomize
