can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
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