I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
Randomize
