hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
And she was only 16?
You say that like it's a bad thing.
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize