i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
Randomize
