I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
Randomize
