I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Randomize
