He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
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