you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
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