Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Randomize
