guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
Randomize
