My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
Randomize