Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
Randomize
