the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
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