For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
Randomize
