I think I am morally bankrupt
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
Randomize
