i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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