Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
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