I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
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Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
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