I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
Couch. On fire.
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
Randomize
