wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
