He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
Randomize
