I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
it's like iHOP with fire
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so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
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I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
Your cock deserves a montage
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
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